Alex, won’t you please come home?

Where, oh where, has Alex Anthopoulos gone?

Oh where, oh where, can he be?

Rumours have been flying since Alex Anthopoulos declined the Blue Jays’ offer to continue as the general manager of the ballclub. The Goose Grease Gramps Truth and Reconciliation Commission has sprung into action to bring you the skinny concerning these rumours.

There is no truth to the rumour that Alex will work for Sneaky D’s restaurant and manage their recreational softball team.

There is no truth to the rumour that Alex will join the Colorado Avalanche hockey team and work to inaugurate nine periods in a hockey game instead of the current three.

There is no truth to the rumour that Alex will start a cottage business sewing his own baseballs.

There is no truth to the rumour that Alex will launch a business building bases for baseball. These bases would be held in place by magnets so that players sliding into the base would not injure themselves.

There is no truth to the rumour that Alex will join the Toronto Raptors as the new mascot, even though he felt the fit was correct.

There is no truth to the rumour that Alex will move to Bracebridge and open a Mr. Greek franchise.

There is no truth to the rumour that Alex has decided to become a player agent specialising in players who are past their prime. His first client will be Stubby Clapp.

There is no truth to the rumour that Alex will become co-host on Prime Time Sports with Bob McCown. When offered the position, he took one look at McCown and decided that the fit was not right.

There is no truth to the rumour that Alex will replace Sid on the Tim and Sid Show, even though their body types are similar.

There is no truth to the rumour that Alex will move to Japan and become the manager of the Nippon Ham Fighters.

That’s all the rumours that we have for now. Stay tuned for further developments!

On Growing Old, One of a Series

My wife and I have a ritual that we follow every Saturday morning: one of us goes to town and purchases coffee, McMuffins, and The Globe and Mail. The fetcher also picks up the Toronto Star at the end of our driveway. We then enjoy the morning immersed in the news, sports, crosswords, Kenken, and Sudoku. This past Saturday it was my turn to do the procuring. You can imagine my consternation when I arrived home with two copies of the Toronto Star and no Globe and Mail!

“Am I losing my mind?" ¨Is Alzheimer's rearing its head?¨

I comforted myself by thinking that I could have done this when I was in my thirties. Could have, but not very likely. I gave the extra copy to my neighbour and returned to town to purchase the Globe. This time, I completed the task successfully!

I saw a cartoon recently that said: “As I grow older my mind doesn´t just wander, sometimes it completely buggers off.” This describes me to a T. I doubt that I will make this mistake again, but I know I will continue to walk into a room and not know why I am there. Usually, a bit of concentration will help me recall my quest.

As my departed mother used to say: “Growing old is hell! However, the alternative is even less attractive!”